There are two kinds of bad movies. First type are made to be terrible on purpose, think of *[Evil Dead 2](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evil_Dead_II)* by [Sam Raimi](). Second are those where the director just did not care, think of *[The Last Airbender](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Airbender_(film))* by [M. Night Shyamalan]().

The latter is not a sign that the director is incompetent. Sometimes the planets influencing our world de-align and transmit cosmic wave that make directors apathetic.

It just happened that the director behind the bad-on-purpose comedy-horror [Thanksgiving](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thanksgiving_(2023_film)), Eli Roth, was hit by a such cosmic wave.

The film was so abhorrent, that even in a bustling cinema, there were only 3 people in the screening of *Ice Cream Man* : I, some lady and time cinema workers were the only ones in the watching it. And this was the premier. Even the worker did not stay there that long. That's how negatively the movie was perceived. 

My main issue is not that the film is a waste of time, but that Eli Roth has create an amazing picture before. He has markets himself as a horror B-movie director, in the similar matter as his friend [Robert Rodriguez](). Whoever is such good friends with [Quentin Tarantino]() cannot possibly be incompetent director. At least, I do not have anything to disprove this claim. But it is more than possible for a Quentin Tarantino friend to be lazy.

And here I do not just speak about the use of AI, which already is a dead give-away of [indolence](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/indolence). No, the plot is essentially a first draft, the so called shitpaper screenplay, whereby the solution to any problem is to just deus-ex-machina everything.

That could work, it could make for a nice viewing. Hell, I enjoyed [Michael Bay]()'s *[Transformers 5](https://blenderdumbass.org/reviews/transformers_5_is_too_good_to_be_good)*. And that movie is very much feels like Michael Bay threw every single idea he had to the blender. Even though it is an incomprehensible mess, 'tis still a fun mess none-the-less. 

In *Ice Cream Man*, you're presented with a story where children eat ice-cream and become raving serial killers. Adults are sown, pierced, shredded in gruesome and comedic fashion. There is no justification why the adults ought to have that coming. The lack of justification of actions kills the movie (pun intended).

On a visual compartment, the gore and everything is just cheap. You can clearly see the heads are just molds and guts do not have a fleshy look. For those who come in expecting a gruesome sight, are going to be at loss. Just looking at the screenshot bellow, you can see what to expect from this picture.

![Even the actor isn't satisfied with the movie](/pictures/user_upload/Troler/8GSKLYG2UW2OR1KB.png)
*Even the actor isn't satisfied with the movie*

Huh, it seems like I mixed-up. The photo is actually taken not from Eli Roth's film, but from BlenderDumbass film *[Сильные Приколы](https://odysee.com/silnye_prikoly:e)*, which was made when he was 11 years old. For the sake of my own sanity, I rewatched BD's short film, unfortunately, 'tis still more entertaining than whatever Eli Roth created.

That's in part due to movies made by children being a rare and novel experience. Alternatively, the film-making was fun-time for all. Neither   of the two statements are applicable for *Ice Cream Man*.

This is not to completely trash the the film, it starts of on solid ground. You're greeted with children playing baseball, having fun, eating ice-cream. Overall, decent introduction. Although I found it a tad-bit too long. There you have the the protagonist kid named Jared ([Charlie Zeltzer]()), who is from the first sight is already suspicious of the man selling the ice cream ([Ari Millen]()). You already have the clear demarcation of who are good and bad guys.

In the first 10 minutes of the film, childrens' phones glitch and start playing the AI generated animation. Upon sight of it, I felt sick seeing the characters move, knowing all too well, no human sweat over it. The movie had the gall to keep using AI generated animations.

This displeasure I felt due to AI is extended in the rest of the film. Case and point, the first gruesome sight shows a kid saw her own mother's head, while the father watches in disbelief. That's some hard stuff, but instantly starting of with hard guns leaves the viewer numb to what is about to happen. To be more gruesome requires risking going to parody, which undermines the message of the film, or to have such insanely good corruption of the audience, that the viewers are along the ride. 

This is a Eli Roth film, comedy and horror go hand-in-hand. The issue lies on the fact it is unbalanced. There does not seem to be any thought or effort put into making it come along nicely. Unless the person viewing this movie is a sadist, who wishes to see others suffer, there is no emotion, no vigor in the action.

The best example I can give comes from a cameo appearance from the protagonist teacher of *[Weapons](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weapons_(2025_film)) ([Julia Garner]())*, where she plays a role as  a primary school teacher. Eli Roth is directly referencing [Zach Cregger]()'s film. In *Ice Cream Man* she screams how her hands are red with blood of a child. The pain is so unbearable for her, that she takes a gun and blasts her skull off. The entire portrayal of the event is shown in most complete seriousness. Yet the kid wakes up and walks off, killing off all the impact. 

Any time the film actually gets a moment to be serious, it puts off all brewing emotion with a laugh. Such a thing can work, Sam Raimi did it with *Evil Dead 2*, he did it with *Drag Me to Hell*. Hell, Eli Roth was able to pull it off with his previous film *Thanksgiving*.

That's the issue I came with time to time again. This is not a horror film per se, no, we have a blood porn fest at our hands. Yet the screening is not hapenning at some dingy [Grindhouse movie theater](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grindhouse), but a proper cinema. This is a film which is being shown at the same time as [Christopher Nolan]()'s epic sword-and-sandal's film *[Odyssey](https://blenderdumbass.org/reviews/the_odyssey_to_see_the_odyssey__2026_)*. 

If the movie was all gore and blood, it would just be a pale imitation of [A Serbian film](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Serbian_Film). If people came to cinema just for shock value, the screening would have been packed. The reality of the situation shows how paramount a story to cinema-making.

For all its gore ejaculation, there is an attempt at making you care for the characters... this is done by a single dialogue-exposition scene. We learn of protagonist's sister's relationship through a dialogue with the parents. For half of the film, we hear basically nothing about the sister Lizzie ([Sarah Abbott ]()). And when we see her struggle, there is no sense of displeasure or enjoyment from the sight, because why would you care about someone you haven't seen for a good half of the picture? 

None of the character stand out, not even the main-cast children. There is no [Julia Butters](), no [Alexa PenaVega](). Or if there were, the director did such a poor job of showing their talent on the screen, that the prospects of their career were worsened. Memorability wise, the protagonist is just a dorky tinhead, his friend Mia ([Kiori Mirza Waldman]()) is a girl suffering from extreme overeating followed by self-induced vomiting, the so called [bulimia](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/bulimia) and she is as memorable as the self-indulging Tommy ([Shiloh O'Reilly]()). 

By the time they are become murderous zombies, there is no lasting emotion, except for the desire for the film to end. This lack of attachment to the characters is precisely why the plot-twist at the end cannot work. This is the reason why the audience feels frustration and not sorrow for the ice cream man.

Oh, yes, the man who brainwashed all those children and made them murder every single adult in a gruesome matter is justified. Isn't that a splendid corruption of the audience! The issue lies in the fact the adults are never justified as literal motherfuckers, instead all you see is what you get. 

The way Eli Roth goes about to show the ice cream man as faultless, is by telling the audience he was convicted by the gullible idiotic children, who were manipulated by adults. This is the thesis of the film: do not trust the adults. But this statement runs contradictory to the murderous campaign of the younglings.

The film does not stop there, the reason why the ice cream man was convicted was because he was a foreigner.

Not only is this film failing at corrupting the audience to hating children but also making them feel like foreigners are actually demons, which is exactly the opposite thing the film is asserting, as if it is doing that on purpose. From the way the film presents itself, that is certainly not the case. The AI abusing director is too lazy to actually have a [Shyamalan twist](https://blenderdumbass.org/reviews/trap_2024:_oh..._m._night_shyamalan_is_back__baby_).

It appears like not only the animation, but the story was written by AI. Although there is no such proof it, I would not be surprised. Half of the time, the characters have amnesia and forget everything that happened before. They keep approaching the clearly brainwashed children as if this was their first time. 

The only decent thing in the film is cinematography by Simon Shohet and composition by [Brandon Roberts](), who worked before with Eli Roth on *Thanksgiving*. 

It pains me to say, but the BlenderDumbass [article on why](https://blenderdumbass.org/articles/why_i_m_not_going_to_watch_ice_cream_man___2026____) he won't watch the film is essentially the same as mine critique. Truth be told, if you've seen the trailer, there is nothing more to see in the film. 

So let me show you, Eli Roth, how you write a true revenge thriller. You better pay attention and listen. This is a story based on true events, that unfolded after I left the theater.

The first thing I did after having seen the film was to go back home via the bus. I had done this once before, so I knew what to do. I waited for the specific bus to come and bring me home. The viewing of *Ice Cream Man* had exhausted me, so I had no energy to walk back, as I had done before. The movie was not the sole reason why I was so tired. It was in part due to being the first time I traveled from my workplace to the movie theater, since it is impossible to walk there by foot without being hit by cars flying 100 km/h speed, I had to board a bus. But the only bus going to the city I needed were far away. So getting to a bus stop was a whole journey. As it was, there was no desire to repeat my trek.

As I waited for the bus after leaving the movie, I passed time by watching a video, my battery was at ~20%. The video was 20 minutes long. I had just enough charge to watch few more videos. The bus was nowhere in sight. After half an hour, it finally came. So I rode.

But it went the opposite side to where I needed. I had not miscalculated, the bus was going towards the city I live in, but it would stop just one fifth the way there. 

I got off at the furthest bus-stop I could and then proceeded to wait an excruciating half an hour. I watched a yet another video, my battery bar dropped to 10%. There was no bus. I was even more exhausted from all this waiting. One man noticed me pacing around the place and told me that the bus I've been waiting all this time, is taking a different route, meaning I had spent all this time waiting in vain. 

So I went to another bus stop, I knew the necessary bus would come after 3 minutes. What I did not expect was for it to fly through the street, leaving behind a trail of dust and exhaust fumes. Seeing that I might miss it, I ran as fast I could. My heart was racing faster than a rabbit in sight of wolf's teeth.

I lept to the door, but it closed just before me. I knocked as hard as I could, so the bus driver would open it. But he just glanced at me with a displeased sight and drove off. 

So I waited for yet another bus. My battery had dropped to 6%. Using up my last charge, I called my friend, waiting at our place. He told me to call a taxi and eat up the cost. So I did, I paid 14 Eur for a distance of 6 kilometers. Mind you, the bus costs me nothing.

The driver was close by, just 3 minutes away. But to my surprise, the bus I've been waiting all this time had come... late. And right behind him was my taxi.

I entered the taxi, sat down, put on the belt. But I saw, that it did not fit, after all the seat buckle was duck-taped. I couldn't take the belt out of there, lest I'd be tortured by the beeping. I had my hand, firmly pressing on the belt. After some time, it felt sore. 

The Indian driver asked me how the day went, I told him about my struggle with the buses. He laughed and looked at me through the review-view mirror. 

Then, he offered me gum, to calm my nerves. I didn't want to take it, but out of hospitality I did. The taste was metallic, ferrous. He was right, it surely calmed me down, but then I felt this strange sting and my head began spinning. I looked back at the driver and he had lighter skin and sported a mohawk. He looked something like the man in the picture bellow.

![About to save my underage sweetheart](/pictures/user_upload/Troler/KZEZCYER9LUPHVHF.gif) 
*About to save my underage sweetheart.*

There, at that moment, I asked the driver to let me walk home, he stopped and smiled. The first thing I did was take a metal pipe laying down near the construction site. When I felt the cold metal touch my hand, it felt so nice. As if the pipe was laying down there to be picked up by me. 

I walked towards a bus stop, dragging a pipe with me. As it was being dragged on the side-walk, it made this sharp noise. Oh, how pleasant it was to hear. The people sometimes glanced to me, but quickly resumed their own business. 

I came to the bus stop I used daily to travel to the workplace. A stop where I had to wait for so many late buses, packed with men and women. The bus stopped and let people in and out. But I was too far away, before I could get close enough to the vehicle, it started rolling towards its next destination.

But I did not hesitate this time and ran towards it with and with all the force I could banged the glass door with my pipe. The glass burst on the floor, the women and children screamed. I smiled and bashed the glass protecting the driver. The driver pressed on the pedal and I fell on my back, together with the pipe. The constant screaming and banging on the back door to be let out, did not bother me. I had to free these men from the despotic bus drivers. To end their sadism for once. 

The driver was driving like an animal, unaware where to go to. He turned left then right, then left and right again. The motion was something in the likes of a snake. It kept me moving with all the broken glass shards. This was it, I felt used like a rug, cleaning all of the debris. Truly despotic sadists these drivers are.

I picked up the fallen pipe and was about to hit the driver with it. But came this muscular African and strangled me. I kicked him in the balls, yet he did not budge. The moment the driver the bus driver took a sharp turn, the man hit his head to the window, cracking the glass and spilling some blood on it. 

I freed myself and quickly as I could cracked the bus drivers skill. I kept hitting him, painting myself in blood. The bus no longer had any stabilizing force and was strafing right to another bus. The impact was near immediate, I hit my head on a pole and fell down on the floor. What occurred next, I cannot recall. All I remember is seeing news reports of a hero murdering an infamous drug lord with my face on the cover. 

*Fin.*