Spy Kids Armageddon
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by Blender Dumbass
Aka: J.Y. Amihud. A Jewish by blood, multifaceted artist with experience in film-making, visual effects, programming, game development, music and more. A philosopher at heart. An activist for freedom and privacy. Anti-Paternalist. A user of Libre Software. Speaking at least 3 human languages. The writer and director of the 2023 film "Moria's Race" and the lead developer of it's game sequel "Dani's Race".
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I did not expect Spy Kids Armageddon to be any good. It is written and directed by Robert Rodriguez. A guy who doesn't care about quality that much. His view on film-making was shaped by his first filming experience in 1992 when he made El Mariachi. A movie so cheap that it was weird to a lot of people that it was an action film. Rodriguez has this idea that he can cheat his way into making anything at all. Using as he says "creativity instead of money". So most of his movies tend to look like the Star Wars prequels. A lot of pretty noticeable green screen. Tons of CGI where most other people would use practical props. And strange camera work which is probably more dictated by the limitations of his methods, and not by actual directorial decisions. ↩ Reply
Don't get me wrong. Robert Rodriguez is actually quite good. Given a proper screenplay and a proper budget he can make very good movies. Like for example his most expensive film - Alita Battle Angel which was written by James Cameron and given a good 200 million dollars to work with. Also there are other people who tried what he is doing and make cheap movies. But those are nowhere near as good as what Robert Rodriguez can pull off using the same method. ↩ Reply
This movie is cheaper, but how much cheaper is unknown. The budget figures were not released yet. And judging by what I saw, I would guess that they had some money, since it doesn't look bad at all. Technically speaking, the visual effects in the movie, while are silly, are pretty well done. The cinematography and the images are very pretty. Which I didn't expect. The previous movie in the Spy Kids franchise was kind of stupid looking. This one is not bad. ↩ Reply
Story-wise it tries to re-thread the first 3 Spy-Kids movies. It's about two kids who discover that their parents are Spies, as in the first one. There is a weird thing that controls all electric devices, as in the second one. And they enter a VR video game, as in the third one. They also recycle some of the jokes. Which were better in the original series. Like for example the famous "Carmen Elizabeth Juanita Echo Sky Bravo Cortes" password joke. But obviously since these are new characters they have different full names. ↩ Reply
This movie has two messages. One perhaps was something that Rodriguez actually wanted to say. And the other was a check-mark that had to be signed off. The first one is compelling and I was very happy to see it. It is about how it's not cool to restrict your children's access to technology. It is properly anti-paternalistic. And I applaud Rodriguez for doing it. ↩ Reply
There is a scene towards the beginning where the little girl needs to ask the mother for a password to download an image from the internet. I was so pissed! Good that the movie actually taught them a lesson to stop doing it. ↩ Reply
The other message is that you need to be a good person. And to be honest. Which is kind of, okay. I guess. ↩ Reply
Technically speaking, if you know anything about how computers work, or how software is done, it will be hard to watch at times. Some of the concepts are so far fetched and sometime outright ridiculous that I remember yelling at Rodriguez while watching this movie. For example the main threat. A hack that makes all digital devices locked down until the person beats a game that the main villain has developed. I don't necessarily think it's too unreal to suggest that somebody can break into digital devices like that and take control over them. I mean most of them have back-doors. But having a highly advanced looking 3D game rendered on all of those devices displays, let alone be controlled from the limited inputs that they have, it's just hilarious. Like for example there is a shot of a frustrated woman trying to get money from an ATM machine, that loads up a 3D game with advanced shaders and stuff. Which has to be beaten using the ATM buttons. I mean what the hell? It's so stupid! ↩ Reply
The action of the film is surprisingly decent. Even though there is nothing too special in it. Robert Rodriguez doesn't have the money to go Spilbergian. So for example a car chase would not have too much cool shots. And the speed at which they drive will be different between shots. Which is not too bad. But it's not up there with something like Ready Player One or even Alita Battle Angel. But again, it's not as bad as I would expect it to be, especially after the last Spy Kids movie. ↩ Reply
There was one shot where I felt kind of proud and in the same time scared for the boy in the movie. He did a stunt to fall face down from a tainting rig. And it felt very real. This boy will probably grow up to become another Tom Cruise. Thought Rodriguez is not a stranger with using stunt-children. His son Rebel Rodriguez ( who made music for this movie ) started as a stunt-child in one of Rodriguez's films. ↩ Reply
Happy Hacking!!! ↩ Reply
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