The cheesy homoor of Vanamehe Film

  Troler
November 21, 2025

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#Vanamehe #OskarLehemaa #MikkMägi #MikkMägi #OskarLehemaa #JanUuspõld #Estonia #Eesti #EstonianFilm #Cinema #film #review #movies #cinemastodon

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When I was in a week long BIP trip in Estonia, I naturally had to eat and drink. Since I am a lactose enjoyed, I bought milk. In Estonian it's called piim. The word piim is important in my life. Isn't the milk nice? It's so white and delicious, even the cow is drinking it!


I was living not alone. There were students from the same college as I go to, different subject. One day they went out without me. I stayed at the living room and drank the piim. Hours passed, they came back, the milk carton is empty, the glass is washed. They ask me what I did. I responded, by saying I just relaxed. "
You stretched, right?" they asked. I said I was not sure what they were on about. My words not taken as true, they put pressure on me. Asking the same question. "Did you stretch? Do you know what is stretching?"
I do not, I replied, I suppose, it is a sexual act.
"Something like it"
For those still confused, this stretching refers to wanking the rod, bashing the bishop, beating the meat, choking the chicken, cranking the hog, flicking the bean, spanking the monkey or waxing the dolphin.
I kept on denying the claims, as I truly had not done the act. I explained, the only thing I did was drink milk... They burst out laughing. So did I.

In strange symphonic concord, I laughed my arse off when I watch an Estonian film about milking, spanking, sucking a cow of its precious, precious piim.

The stop motion animated Estonian film Vanamehe (est. The Old Man) can be best described as a blend of Spermageddon and Shaun the sheep.
If you have not seen any of these movies, just look intently into the screenshots until your uterus opens and you start spraying seeds to your mouth. Like Atum created the first couple of the Ennead, Shu and Tefnut, by masturbating and eating the cum. Or something like that.



Section of Book of the Dead of Henuttawy

The movie directed by Oskar Lehemaa and Mikk Mägi both have experience working on children's movies. Although I am not familiar with their experience, I can gather they felt limited by the movies made for children. If true, then there is a parallel with Balak's frustration with the fact "their Balak. I had the misfortune, or the joy(?), of watching it in 2018, back when I was 9-10 years old. I thought the cartoon was going to be fun and educational, about sex and reproduction. I was not wrong, except I am not sure how seeing a character eat German pig's turd during the act of shitting. Vanamehe is not that extreme, it is slightly more figurative... slightly.



Since there is no seemingly light way to put. Let me tell you, whatever you think the movie is about, it's not. Even having seen it, I can tell you it's a Unicorn War. It's bloody, it's impressive, it's a movie with a pig eating a phone and shitting sparkles.



The movie is about city kids coming to the world of agrarian life. You have your typical sitcom chidren trio, the smart little one Mart (Mikk Mägi), the annoying Aino (Mikk Mägi) and finally the Fred from Scooby Do, Priidik (Mikk Mägi. The plot revolves around the the cow voiced by Märt Avandi. If you were asking if the cow speaks, it does not. Cows don't speak in this world. Except the tree. Inside of the world logic, if the cow is not milked in a day it is going to explode.



The movie is secretly is a Ticking time bomb scenario. With it being a Lactocalypse instead of a Farmageddon. Were it just that, the movie would be half an hour. To thicken the plot there is a villain! The Old Man (Mikk Mägi). Mutated from the lactose, his body turned white from all the piim. Set to murder the cows, to take revenge on what ruined his life.


With the cow gone, the clock is ticking. The seat is clutched to the buttox, piim beverages are leaking on the chin. Will the mad man or the abusive farmer get the cow in their hands?



Or it could be the hippies... Love and peace.



Not that kind, the idea is there. The plot is mostly episodic. The charm are the comedic scenes. Be it the horny old Tree God that wants to be banged or the Non-Euclidean space the bear's stomach. What good there would be to talk about Sergeant Jacob Rivers from The Terminator washed out pop-star parody version Jacob Cream (Jaagup Cream).

Music wise, there is a rock 'n roll performance done in the bear's (Kristjan Lüüs stomach for plot reasons. I am not going to reveal them, watch the movie! The song is good.

The visuals are stellar. The scenery is breath taking. The lighting is jaw dropping.


Sure the characters mouths do not move. The movie is stop-motion. @Blenderdumbass struggled with regular 3D animation, moving puppets and clay one frame at a time is excruciating. No wonder Ray Harryhausen is still considered a legend in stop-motion animation or animation in general. Great tools do not supplant talent and love poured into a work. When that work has a mecha fight between a person inside of a cows arse...

well all I can say. We all are cow.

Fin.

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  Troler c:0


To not make the review an even longer tangent. The movie was based upon Estonian web series: https://yewtu.be/channel/UCMNADQFG7elXDQjIXDlTBjg

European animation market is open for ideas. Just get a million views on some of your animated shorts and your characters may become feature length.

Reply

  Blender Dumbass c:1



Not enough euphemisms


Holly shit, WTF!!!

This sounds like a cool movie to see with people. lol

... replies ( 1 )

  Troler c:2



@blenderdumbass There have been quite a bit of movies based on Ancient Egyptian mythology: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Films_based_on_Egyptian_mythology

With all mythology, it lands best when animated. In the Wikipedia list, I can't find any movies explicitly about Gods and stories about them. The closest it gets is Gods of Egypt, it is a literal underdog story of a man going against the gods. The Mummy (1999) is a horror film. The interest is more in the terror aspect, not as much mythology.

Reply

  Troler c:2

... c:1

  Blender Dumbass c:1

this stretching refers to wanking the rod, bashing the bishop, beating the meat, choking the chicken, cranking the hog, flicking the bean, spanking the monkey or waxing the dolphin

Not enough euphemisms

Section of Book of the Dead of Henuttawy

Holly shit, WTF!!!

This sounds like a cool movie to see with people. lol

@blenderdumbass There have been quite a bit of movies based on Ancient Egyptian mythology: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Films_based_on_Egyptian_mythology

With all mythology, it lands best when animated. In the Wikipedia list, I can't find any movies explicitly about Gods and stories about them. The closest it gets is Gods of Egypt, it is a literal underdog story of a man going against the gods. The Mummy (1999) is a horror film. The interest is more in the terror aspect, not as much mythology.

... replies ( 1 )

  Blender Dumbass c:5



@Troler There is the terrible Alex Proyas film "Gods of Egypt" that nobody watched. I like Alex Proyas as a director, but with that movie specifically I kind of understand why people hate it. It's not as bad as people claim it to be. It is on the level of some stupid, made for kids, adventure slop. But yeah, it is not a Great Cinema Picture. Still... it exists.

Reply

  Blender Dumbass c:5

... c:2

  Troler c:2


c:1

@blenderdumbass There have been quite a bit of movies based on Ancient Egyptian mythology: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Films_based_on_Egyptian_mythology

With all mythology, it lands best when animated. In the Wikipedia list, I can't find any movies explicitly about Gods and stories about them. The closest it gets is Gods of Egypt, it is a literal underdog story of a man going against the gods. The Mummy (1999) is a horror film. The interest is more in the terror aspect, not as much mythology.

@Troler There is the terrible Alex Proyas film "Gods of Egypt" that nobody watched. I like Alex Proyas as a director, but with that movie specifically I kind of understand why people hate it. It's not as bad as people claim it to be. It is on the level of some stupid, made for kids, adventure slop. But yeah, it is not a Great Cinema Picture. Still... it exists.

... replies ( 1 )

  Troler c:6



@blenderdumbass I would rather watch a film adaptation of The Gods of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs. It has Andrew Stanton behind it, I'll see what he has to cook up.

Reply

  Troler c:6

... c:5

  Blender Dumbass c:5


c:2

@Troler There is the terrible Alex Proyas film "Gods of Egypt" that nobody watched. I like Alex Proyas as a director, but with that movie specifically I kind of understand why people hate it. It's not as bad as people claim it to be. It is on the level of some stupid, made for kids, adventure slop. But yeah, it is not a Great Cinema Picture. Still... it exists.

@blenderdumbass I would rather watch a film adaptation of The Gods of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs. It has Andrew Stanton behind it, I'll see what he has to cook up.

Reply