Encryption Could Get Illegal To Protect Children

  Blender Dumbass
September 20, 2023

👁 36

A number of countries are pushing at the moment laws that would undermine everybody's privacy by making it illegal to communicate with end to end encryption. They believe that this will stop criminals. And especially that it will save the children somehow. When an article about this was seen by Sheiny this is how she reacted to it.

She was sitting quietly in her spare time between takes and chewing on some spinach. She believed that candy and other sweets might make her fat. But since spinach is a vegetable, she figured it would not effect her body too much chewing on it. And she just had to chew on something.

She didn't like it. Sometimes she looked at the pile of spinach that she got over to her left and wondered how can she chew it. But then she took another piece, put it into her mouth and continued scrolling Mastodon. Suddenly a post by EFF caught her attention. It read:


She stopped chewing her spinach for a little bit. But then continued scrolling. "Yeah, I know" - she thought to herself - "of course. What else can we wait from politicians.".

Some few minutes later she had enough of chewing this green garbage and decided to return it to the fridge. For this she had to come out of the shed and walk to Mr. Hambleton's house, where she had to walk past his kids and wife toward a fridge. And all this time never reveal what they are really doing in the shed. She thought for a second that maybe chewing was better. But then decided to actually go there.

"Oh, Sheiny, so how is your movie?" - asked Mr. Hambleton's wife.

Sheiny had to lie - "Ah... Well..." - she was trying to come up with a plot to something on a fly - "It's this thing you know, a story about this mysterious artifact in a form of a heart that was split in two halves some decades ago. And now there are two people, a boy and a girl, find each other. And realize that they have two halves of this heart shaped thing."

"This is very cute!"

"And so they figure out that those half hearts give them superhero abilities" - Sheiny continued - "Like the guy can drive a car on a wall in a very cool way. You know what I mean."

"Aha!" - nodded Mr. Hambleton's wife...

"Ham!" - Sheiny suddenly called. She saw Mr. Hambleton enter the kitchen - "Ham!... Ah... I'm scared!"

"What happened?" - asked Mr. Hambleton.

Sheiny didn't know what to say. So many things were on her mind. The spinach, the candy, the new laws making it illegal to use encryption to "save the children".

"Ham, how is it possible that they claim that reducing privacy will save the children?"

"Who politicians?" - he said - "Well, they are stupid. And don't worry about it EFF will handle this as always."

"But what if they don't?"

"If they don't, I think you will have to encrypt the message first and only then send it over the network. The laws proposed are for developers, not the users. You still have PGP."

"No, I'm not talking about this. I'm talking about what if EFF will fail to convince the people that it's not correct what the government is doing. I mean..." - she thought about it and the thought saddened her a bit - "... who am I lying to. People kind of buy their whole thing anyway."

"What? What are you talking about? I don't understand" - said Mr. Hambleton's wife.

"Honey, ah..." - Mr. Hambleton started gesturing like a scientist that is trying to explain a complex subject - "... You know how they say that encryption is bad because it lets criminals get away with things? You know like... Like with... ah... like... ah... like with..."

"Child Porn!" - helped Sheiny.

"Thank you Sheiny. You know like they are trying to make it so people will not be able to share this stuff by completely removing a constitutional right of privacy."

"Despite the whole thing being an issue of privacy to being with" - added Sheiny.

"Yes, that too. What? Wait... I don't understand." - Mr. Hambleton got confused.

"Well let me explain." - said Sheiny gesturing like a scientist herself - "This country and many other good countries have a Freedom of Speech. And it means that you can talk about and discuss any topic you like. It means that you can have any statement you like."

...Both Mr. Hambleton and his wife are nodding their heads...

Sheiny continued - "And that also, in the digital age spreads to anything that you can share on the internet. Because everything is written in ones and zeros, therefor anything is information. And therefor anything on the internet should be protected by the freedom of speech. Including Child Porn."

Mr. Hambleton's wife did one last nod and stopped to think about it because it sounded very wrong.

Sheiny continued - "Of course there are people that do not want this freedom to exist. Mainly the copyright industry that want to control whatever is under their copyright. And also government people with too much megalomania. But let's face it, most people who pursue government are at least slightly megalomaniacs. So it makes most of the government. We of course have the constitution and the supreme court that stops those megaloma..."

"Wait! Wait!"- interrupted Mr. Hambleton's wife - "But it's not right to share picture of those poor kids who had been... you know..."

"Okay..." said Sheiny smiling - "..why?"

"What why? It's just wrong!"

"There is nothing 'Just wrong' everything has a reason. Why is it wrong?"

"Because, what if some creep ah... I don't know... why am I talking about this with a child?"

Mr. Hambleton had an idea. He saw the pack of spinach still in Sheiny's hands. He came forward and yanked it, saying - "Let me help you put these leaves into the refrigerator." - but perhaps the idea didn't really work. Instead of changing the theme of the conversation, both of them looked at him seriously for some time, in silence. Then Sheiny broke the silence by saying - "Ham, do you have anything to chew on that's not sugary and in the same time not spinach?"

Then she looked the his wife and said - "Well see, the problem here is privacy. There is a picture of somebody in a compromising or shameful position that this person doesn't want others to see. It's a problem of privacy. I don't see how reducing privacy can possibly help this problem."

"What if, god forbid, there is somebody who wants this published about her?" - asked Mr. Hambleton's wife.

"Then there is no problem of it being published." - said Sheiny. While Mr. Hambleton was trying to silently get away. He knew what they were doing in the shed.

The wife thought for a bit and said - "The world is moving way too fast for me. Tomorrow we will marry dogs made of poo. I'm sorry. But the world is just getting ridiculous."

"What are you talking about" - asked Sheiny.

"You are telling me that if a child wants to, he or she can publish their own porn! I need a time to process it." - Mr. Hambleton's wife said and sat on the closest chair.

"Well of course." - said Sheiny - "See, if it is about protecting the children, we should protect their right of self expression too. And that includes taking pictures of themselves and posting them online. The problem with pictures only happens when the picture is taken and shared without the child's consent. On the other hand the politicians probably don't actually care about the children. They care about having at least some idea that sounds terrible enough that people will keep thinking that censorship of ideas is sometimes justified. And this whole encryption fight is there because if people can talk privately they can share thoughts that the governments do not like. That's what they are doing. And it should be stopped!"

"Tell me please" - said the wife looking at Mr. Hambleton - "... are you back to your perversions?"

Mr. Hambleton didn't answer, but he was scared. He looked nervously between his wife and Sheiny not knowing what to say or do.

Sheiny realized that maybe his wife might have known something all this time. But perhaps she knew very little. It was hard to know how much she knew.

"Kid..." - the wife looked at Sheiny, very sadly and almost scared - "...did my husband touch you or..."

"Oh stop it!!!" - explained Sheiny - "I know a lot of men and your husband perhaps the least perverted out of all of them. Yes, he might be a little uncomfortable at times. But everybody is a little uncomfortable at times. I believe this conversation was uncomfortable to you and I brought it while was trying to talk about spinach. I'm sorry. But I though it was important to discuss. I'm personally afraid that my own privacy will be taken away if something will not be done about it. And you!... I'm sorry to say... Your paranoia doesn't help!"

The wife's jaw dropped and she found herself unable to say nothing. She looked back at Mr. Hambleton, but this time with a questioning face. She wanted him to come up with something smart to answer to this little girl.

"Well..." - he finally said - "...Sheiny, how about we make a small donation to organizations who fight things like that? To EFF and FSF. They have good lawyers. They probably know better how to deal with it. While on the other hand, Sheiny. You can make something that talks about it. Did you finish the script for that new movie yet?"

Sheiny looked at him and at her with a sudden burst of inspiration. Mr. Hambleton's wife looked at Mr. Hambleton kind of proudly. She looked then at Sheiny too. Kind of proud to know her. Then she thought for a little bit and pointed at the fridge. Sheiny re-focused on her. And then the wife said - "Parsley?"

Happy Hacking!!!

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