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by Blender Dumbass
Aka: J.Y. Amihud. A Jewish by blood, multifaceted artist with experience in film-making, visual effects, programming, game development, music and more. A philosopher at heart. An activist for freedom and privacy. Anti-Paternalist. A user of Libre Software. Speaking at least 3 human languages. The writer and director of the 2023 film "Moria's Race" and the lead developer of it's game sequel "Dani's Race".
There is a certain trend, or more like a curse, among film-makers that suggests, that by movie number 4 there is a moment of the film-maker going completely insane. Steven Spielberg's 4th theatrical film was 1941, which is one of the most unhinged things he ever did. Damien Chazelle's 4th film was Babylon, which is arguably equally unhinged. So I suppose let's analyze this phenomenon. But for the fun of it, I will make this analysis using the new feature I just added to the markdown parser of this website.
INT. EDITOR'S ROOM OF A MAGAZINE - NIGHT 10:00 PM
The room is large, with a small section of it hidden behind a glass panel. You can call this small section a separate room. This is the office of the chief editor of the magazine.
The CHIEF EDITOR comes to his glass door in the glass wall. He opens it to let the noise from the outside, come in, and for the camera to get out. We get a close up of him, with a dolly shot up his face.
CHIEF EDITOR
In the main hall of the room we can see a frantic scene. A bunch of people are running around trying to piece together the edits for the press. We see how various editors typing their keyboards as fast as possible. For some reason the entire facility is using old school type-writers. No computers in sight. Even though the calendar on the wall clearly states that it is 2026.
MARK ( an editor ) struggles to type. He click-clacks the keyboard and then stops. He clacks it again but then stops again. He doesn't know what he is writing.
He gives up and runs to the CHIEF EDITOR.
MARK
CHIEF EDITOR
MARK
CHIEF EDITOR
MARK
CHIEF EDITOR
MARK
CHIEF EDITOR
MARK
CHIEF EDITOR
MARK
Chief looks at Mark with an annoyed face for a few seconds. He is considering to maybe give him his phone. He looks back at his office, at a box in the corner. He shakes his head. He looks into the room of the editors. Specifically he looks at JOSH.
CHIEF EDITOR
JOSH
CHIEF EDITOR
JOSH
CHIEF EDITOR
JOSH
CHIEF EDITOR
JOSH
Chief Editor goes back into his office and closes his door. Mark and Josh look at each other awkwardly.
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
Mark is just standing there silently while Josh is trying to type some more.
JOSH
MARK
Josh looks at Mark with defeated, pissed of, kind of look.
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
Josh cannot type any longer. He is too distracted by Mark.
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
Mark comes to the papers on his desk.
MARK
Mark looks at the stuff he wrote.
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
Josh thinks about it. He completely forgot about his article. He starts walking towards Mark.
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOHN
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
Both of them look at the Chief Editor's glass office. And at the box inside of it.
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
Josh looks at the clock on the wall of the room. It shows 10:55 PM. Almost 11 PM.
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
Josh is looking down at the door to the Chief's office. He glances over to his own desk and thinks about the pencils that he has neatly in a little jar.
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
A moment of awkward silence.
JOSH
MARK
JOSH
Nervously Mark is strolling toward the Chief's door not knowing what to say. In the mean-time Josh is taking out one of his pencils and pretends to be casual.
Chief comes to the glass door.
CHIEF EDITOR
MARK
CHIEF EDITOR
MARK
CHIEF EDITOR
MARK
CHIEF EDITOR
MARK
CHIEF EDITOR
MARK
CHIEF EDITOR
MARK
Chief Editor leans closer to Mark.
CHIEF EDITOR
MARK
CHIEF EDITOR
MARK
CHIEF EDITOR
MARK
CHIEF EDITOR
Chief editor and Mark start to walk away from the door. The door is automatically closing down. In this very moment, pretending to be casual, Josh strolls by said door and drops his pencil. The pencil lands in the door-way, blocking it from locking up.
Josh looks at the rest of the editors. He sees how Chief and Mark go out of the room.
JOSH
SOME EDITOR
JOSH
Everybody in the room walk out of the room leaving Josh alone. He opens the Chiefs door and slowly walks in. There is the box. He strolls closer to it. He looks inside. It is full of mobile phones. He looks through them. He find it. His phone...
There are strange yells happening from outside of the room. Josh is kind of scared.
But he unlocks the phone and searches for Ridley Scott on Wikipedia. He sees Duelists, Alien, then Blade Runner. So Blade Runner was the 3th. But what was the 4th? Oh right. It was fucking Legend from 1985. Truly the weirdest Ridley Scott film.
The room is large, with a small section of it hidden behind a glass panel. You can call this small section a separate room. This is the office of the chief editor of the magazine.
The CHIEF EDITOR comes to his glass door in the glass wall. He opens it to let the noise from the outside, come in, and for the camera to get out. We get a close up of him, with a dolly shot up his face.
Hurry up, guys, it's 10 PM already. We must have a print by 12.
In the main hall of the room we can see a frantic scene. A bunch of people are running around trying to piece together the edits for the press. We see how various editors typing their keyboards as fast as possible. For some reason the entire facility is using old school type-writers. No computers in sight. Even though the calendar on the wall clearly states that it is 2026.
MARK ( an editor ) struggles to type. He click-clacks the keyboard and then stops. He clacks it again but then stops again. He doesn't know what he is writing.
He gives up and runs to the CHIEF EDITOR.
Boss. I need my phone.
If you know nothing, you can't type nothing. I'm sorry, Mark, but go back and finish the damn article. We need it by 12.
I can't.
( mimicking )
I can't... Yes you can!
I don't know enough. I need Wikipedia... I need...
Wikipedia? Wikipedia?! We are a prestigious...
I know...
... magazine here. We cannot sight fucking Wikipedia. Are you out of your mind?
How am I going to write this thing without knowing the lists of the movies?
What do you need the list of the movies for?
Because it is about the curse of the 4th film. I must know which is 4th. I must be able to analyze how it is different than the rest. And I don't know enough to do this.
Chief looks at Mark with an annoyed face for a few seconds. He is considering to maybe give him his phone. He looks back at his office, at a box in the corner. He shakes his head. He looks into the room of the editors. Specifically he looks at JOSH.
Josh!... Hey, Josh!
What the fuck do you need from me right now?
You know movies, right?
Fuck you!
Fuck you! Help Mark with his article.
And who is going to write my article?
You have two fucking hours.
I don't have 2 fucking hours. This shit is complicated. The whole fucking legal language and shit drives me nuts. And I will have to proof-read it before sending it over...
Chief Editor goes back into his office and closes his door. Mark and Josh look at each other awkwardly.
The fuck are you looking at?
Chief said...
Go!
But...
I don't want to fucking hear about it.
Maybe...
No...
Mark is just standing there silently while Josh is trying to type some more.
Don't just stand there silently. Go to your desk.
But I don't know what is the 4th film of Michael Bay? Is it Bad Boys 2?
Josh looks at Mark with defeated, pissed of, kind of look.
Pearl fucking Harbor!
What?
Michael Bay's fucking 4th film is Pearl fucking Harbor. Get the fuck out of my face now.
Fuck, this doesn't make any sense. I was sure it must have been Bad Boys 2.
Josh cannot type any longer. He is too distracted by Mark.
What the fuck are you writing there?
Well... ah... what is the 4th cinema picture by Steven Spielberg?
Close Encounters. What the fuck are you writing there?
No, it's 1941.
If you count The Sugar-land Express as his first picture, yes. But if you also count Duel, which was released in theaters, the 4th film is Close Encounters of the Third Kind. What the fuck are you writing there?
Wait... Now I'm even more confused.
What the fuck are you writing?
It's about this curse...
What?
... not curse curse. But a statistical kind of curse. You know. Science math.
Meth?
What?
Never mind.
So... this thing...
Curse?
Yeah, curse! This mathematical curse, it suggests that the 4th film by any director is kind of bad shit crazy.
Curse?
Yeah...
Well okay... you can say that Close Encounters is kind of bad shit crazy.
But 1941 though.
What 1941... oh... wait... Yeah... That makes no sense. Well. I suppose you have a curse of the 5th picture then.
Well in that case Bad Boys 2 makes sense. But what about Babylon. You know from this guy...
What?
Mark comes to the papers on his desk.
Wait a second.
Mark looks at the stuff he wrote.
This guy?
Oh... ah... Damien Chazelle.
Hm...
Josh thinks about it. He completely forgot about his article. He starts walking towards Mark.
So you are saying that Babylon is similarly crazy to Spielberg's 1941? I mean yeah... It does kind of makes sense. And you could toss out Duel. It was technically shot for TV.
But then Bad Boys 2 doesn't work.
Unless Pearl Harbor is the cursed Michael Bay film.
What?
You are saying that the 4th film by a director is the cursed film. Maybe its Pearl Harbor.
But in this movie Bay tried to calm everything down. Bad Boy 2 on the other hand fits with the rest of the films. It's just, it doesn't fit the number.
What if what you are looking for is not bad shit crazy movies, but different movies? Think about it. Michael Bay movies are bad shit crazy pretty much by default. Pearl Harbor, sure, it has bad shit crazy moments, but maybe because it is trying to be this big Oscar-bait picture, it is kind of strange. What if you are looking for strange movies?
Hm...
Let's toss in a different director to test it... Ah...
Quentin Tarantino
Quentin Tarantino. So he makes Reservoir Dogs, that's 1. Pulp Fiction, that's 2. Jackie Brown, that's 3. And then Kill Bill is 4. From one side you can argue that Jackie Brown is the weird one out...
Kind of like Beau is Afraid.
What?
Ari Aster.
Wait, I didn't finish my point.
Go on.
From one side you can argue that Jackie Brown is the weird one out. It is not a story by Tarantino, but Tarantino adopting a novel. It is more serious then his other films. It is not as juvenile. Then if you think about it from the perspective of 1941, Babylon and Pearl Harbor, and the fact that it seems like not a lot of people understood those films, you can say that the cursed Tarantino picture is actually Death Proof. His 5th picture. But then actually, if you really think about it, Kill Bill is the weird one out. I mean obviously it is. It is a martial arts film. It is a 2 volume epic. It is the bad shit crazy, ultra ambitious film.
Kind of like Bad Boys 2.
Not necessarily. Pearl Harbor, seems to me at least, to be more ambitious than Bad Boys 2.
So you are saying the 4th film is usually overly ambitious?
Well, let's think about it. You dropped a name... what was it.
Ari Aster?
Yeah... So he made Hereditary... right?
Right!
Then he does Midsommar.
Right.
Then you get Beau is Afraid.
His misunderstood, overly ambitious movie.
What about Eddington? He did make a 4th film.
That's the problem I'm having. Eddington seem to be calmer than Beau is Afraid.
But wait, think about it. He makes basically 3 horror films. And Eddington is a fucking Western.
It is more of a political action film.
Here you go. This is the odd one out.
You said the film needs to be ambitious.
I said that it is maybe the case. But I also said that the 4th films is the odd one out.
Hm... Okay... what about. I don't know... what about Ridley Scott?
Let's see... So he does the Duelists. That would be 1. Then Alien. That's 2... Wait... Then Blade Runner? Did he fucking direct anything in between Alien and Blade Runner?
Wait... you don't know?
Well?
What, well? I thought you knew.
Okay I give up, I don't know. Tell me.
I don't know either. I thought you could tell me.
Fuck! Wait... So Alien is... hm... I mean... technically he could make a movie in between. And he made a few smaller films in the 80s. Damn it. We need a phone.
Yeah. Fuck!
Both of them look at the Chief Editor's glass office. And at the box inside of it.
Think, think, think, think....
We can sneak in, or something.
What. You want to try to get your phone from over there?
Yeah... and then we can quickly see the list on Wikipedia...
Wikipedia? Are you nuts? You want to fucking sight a fucking Wikipedia in your fucking article in the fucking magazine?
What's wrong with that?
I mean... yeah... In this particular case, yeah... I guess you are right.
So what do we do?
Josh looks at the clock on the wall of the room. It shows 10:55 PM. Almost 11 PM.
Damn it. We've got a fucking hour. And we need to also proof read the damn thing.
What do we do?
I guess.... we could...
Josh is looking down at the door to the Chief's office. He glances over to his own desk and thinks about the pencils that he has neatly in a little jar.
We need to invent some bullshit.
What? No...
No... Not for the article. For the Chief.
I tried talking to him. He told me to talk to you instead.
We need something that would make him walk out of the room.
What's that gonna help? The door is auto locked. By the time he is out of view the door is locked.
Not if we pencil it.
What?
Trust me.
A moment of awkward silence.
Go bullshit him.
Now?
We need to proof read the damn thing. Yes! Now!
Nervously Mark is strolling toward the Chief's door not knowing what to say. In the mean-time Josh is taking out one of his pencils and pretends to be casual.
Chief comes to the glass door.
What do you want, Mark?
I wanted to...
Yes?
Ah...
Speak up. I don't have time.
Buy you a drink?
What?
I mean, no homo, but you seems like a nice guy. You know. I would buy you a can of Pepsi now if you want.
What are you talking about? No! Get to work.
I mean, it is... ah... kind of... homo.
Ha?
I love you man!
Chief Editor leans closer to Mark.
( quietly )
Shut up. You cannot talk about this sort of thing. Besides I'm your boss. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Can we talk about it. You know. Somewhere private?
Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. I mean... don't get me wrong. You are attractive and all. But shut the fuck up.
Please...
Shit. Okay... you buy me a fucking Pepsi and we come back.
Yeah.. cool...
Act naturally.
Chief editor and Mark start to walk away from the door. The door is automatically closing down. In this very moment, pretending to be casual, Josh strolls by said door and drops his pencil. The pencil lands in the door-way, blocking it from locking up.
Josh looks at the rest of the editors. He sees how Chief and Mark go out of the room.
( to everyone in the room )
Guys... The love-birds just got out. Mark and Chief.
What the fuck.
Seriously. Go spy on them! They are in love!
Everybody in the room walk out of the room leaving Josh alone. He opens the Chiefs door and slowly walks in. There is the box. He strolls closer to it. He looks inside. It is full of mobile phones. He looks through them. He find it. His phone...
There are strange yells happening from outside of the room. Josh is kind of scared.
But he unlocks the phone and searches for Ridley Scott on Wikipedia. He sees Duelists, Alien, then Blade Runner. So Blade Runner was the 3th. But what was the 4th? Oh right. It was fucking Legend from 1985. Truly the weirdest Ridley Scott film.
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