Transformers 5 is Too Good to be Good

Blender Dumbass
January 12, 2025

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#transformers #MichaelBay #film #review #movies #cinemastodon #kingArthur

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In my review of Alien Romulus I briefly mentioned Isabela Merced and said that you might have known her from Michael Bay's Transformers 5. So let's talk about Transformers 5.

There is this satisfaction when it comes to animation, that I know from personal experience where the longer you work on a shot, or a sequence, the more details there is in the animation, the more satisfying it is to later just watch this insane level of effort simply wash over you one frame after another.

This is why I think Avatar movies are so good. And this is most definitely a quality of Michael Bay's Transformers movies. And perhaps the most insane feeling of grandiose work I felt from any Transformers film, was strangely enough from Transformers 5 specifically.

Don't get me wrong, this movie is not a masterpiece. It is probably one of the stupidest blockbusters out there. I guess Patric H Willems puts it best:

It feels like he just filmed two and a half hours of stuff he thought would be fun, including a lengthy prologue about King Arthur and Merlin. And then a team of editors attempted to assemble it into something resembling a movie.

But boy how much dopamine Michael Bay can induce in a person. The film is so stupid, but it assaults your senses so much with so much cool shit, that the movie becomes so good it's too good to be good.

I ( probably ) have ADHD. And this kind of over-bombardment of intense details everywhere makes my brain very happy. A lot of people tend to see Bay's movies as visual noise. And I get why. But I really really dig this kind of stuff.

The only serious problem I see with the film is the lack of the two new characters played by Jerrod Carmichael and Isabela Merced. We have stupid amount of Mark Wahlberg who is not trying to act because he understands what kind of movie it is. Laura Haddock tries to act and is surprisingly good, despite the stupidity. There is almost enough of Anthony Hopkins, though more would not hurt. And there is a good amount of this new robot butler character, voiced by Jim Carter who is just really fun to watch.

I know that the writers probably didn't intend it to be the case, but Bay made out of Isabela Merced a fucking star. He doesn't let his camera to be ageist. He frames her the same way he would have framed an adult actress. And that gives her so much oomph I just really wish there was a spinoff movie just about her. Or like if Wahlberg could be replaced by her. Like there is not enough of her. And I want more. But there isn't. How dare you, Michael Bay? It doesn't help that there is not enough of her in Alien Romulus either.

Does that mean I have a new movie marathon? ... Hm...

Anyway...

Happy Hacking!!!

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Entropy Is Freedom And It Increases

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Blender Dumbass
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Once upon the time there was a group of molecules that was oppressed. And there was another group of molecules next to this one that was also oppressed. Both of them had long established traditions of staying in the group and behaving a certain way. But the oppressed molecules decided to riot. Those on the edge with the other group started mixing together and creating interesting patterns never before seen. Molecules on the far end were confused about all of the movement. Suddenly one or two molecules from the other group traveled to those far regions and were not very welcome by the molecules there. But the mixing continued and patterns became more and more complex, until one time the entire thing was mixed as well as it could be and all molecules were equally spread around.